Each year Three Weeks invites performers to complete their 'Quick Quiz'. This year they published answers from both Ciaran on behalf of The Black Sheep, and Professor Bumm on behalf of Story Machine

Ciaran Murtagh
ThreeWeeks Quick Quiz

1.What is the one thing you'd recommend Fringe first timers do during their time in Edinburgh?
Play human skittles down the Royal Mile. Secure yourself a giant rock a la Indiana Jones, take it to the top of the castle and roll it down the Royal Mile. You get 10 points if you hit a street performer (15 if they’re on a unicycle), 5 points for a French backpacking child, and 3 points for an American. If you hit a genuine Scot, you win the keys to the city. It’s never going to happen.

2. What's your best Edinburgh Festival memory?
Seeing Johnny Vegas for the first time in 1998 at the old Gilded Balloon. He could offend everyone in the audience and still come out smelling of roses. One of the finest live stand-ups I have ever seen.

3. What's your worst Edinburgh Festival memory?
In one show, I had to kiss a lady in the audience. Every day I picked a likely looking contender and gave her the most disgusting kiss I could. Usually the victims squealed and squirmed - but in this show, the victim remained completely still. Similarly, the audience usually rolled about - but in this show there was a deathly silence. Only after the show had ended did I see my victim rise, pick up a white stick and lead her guide dog (who had been sleeping peacefully under the chair the whole time) out of the theatre. I had assaulted a blind woman. With my tongue. And everyone in that room had watched. Agog.

4. What are you most looking forward to about this year's Festival?
Drinking a cool Magners in the Pleasance courtyard, watching the sun slowly fade behind Arthur’s Seat. That, and being part of the world’s biggest Arts Festival. But mainly the Magners.

5. In 30 words (no more now) why should we come and see your show?
It’s a sketch show written and performed by two men who think they’re funny. That’s not something you get to see every day. Oh hang on! This one really is funny.

Ciaran Murtagh is performing in The Black Sheep. Pleasance Dome, 2 - 19 Aug, 5:30pm (6:30pm), prices vary, fpp 22.

Professor Ivor Harry Bumm
ThreeWeeks Quick Quiz

1. What is the one thing you'd recommend Fringe first timers do during their time in Edinburgh?
Visit the splendid Edinburgh Museum on Chambers Street. They have the best giant clock based on the Great Plague that I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen seven. I bet you haven’t.

2. What's your best Edinburgh Festival memory?
Being guest of honour at the Edinburgh Tattoo. Some memories never fade.

3. What's your worst Edinburgh Festival memory?
My colleague Dr Willy Whee showing me his Edinburgh Tattoo. Some scars never heal.

4. What are you most looking forward to about this year's Festival?
Pushing back the boundaries of science and securing my place in history. Assuming nothing explodes this time. I’m almost certain that won’t happen.

5. In 30 words (no more now) why should we come and see your show?
See your suggestions spun instantly into incredible stories by an amazing machine. People of all ages have left my little demonstrations weak from laughter. I have no idea why.

Professor Ivor Bumm is performing in Professor Bumm’s Story Machine. Pleasance Courtyard, 2 - 20 Aug, 1:00pm (2:00pm), £7.00, fpp 12.